Dear Alf August 2004

Dear Alf

You ask for it, Alf sort of sends this thing that vaguely resembles a reply and almost never directly relates to an answer ... But that's why we love him. Take a gamble and send your questions to the old Alfster... you might get a reply! Just remember that the odds are always with the house, or in this case, the rehab!

They say the only dumb question is the one that doesn't get asked. Well, I beg to differ. The dumb question is the one that gets asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN! So, before you write, check our list of Most Frequently Asked Questions

Q: I would have started this message with "Dear Alf" but i feel that phrase has been over done, so ill just start by asking if you've, had a good day? What i wanted to ask about was 2 things in particular. 1. When we played the first two Oddworld titles, we had much more involvement with the Paramites and Scrabs with endless puzzles involving them, however when Munch's Oddysee came out we only saw both species once when playing the game, which i was slightly dissapointed about. Can we be assured that in the next tittle, Stranger, the characters will have a solid and justified being for their appearance?

Alf: No, none of the characters in our next title will have anything even resembling a justified presence. In fact, all the character placement is completely random. It's a new style of development that revolves around chaos, and, well, basically, complete abandonment of any character development whatsoever. Sorry!

Q: 2. Secondly being a Universe that Lorne Lanning and the rest of the crew have managed to create from pure creativity, that i adore in the bravery of doing so and share the same opinion of gaming being the ultimate medium of "poetry" you might call it. But being the vast place Oddworld is, i wanted to know Is ! there a "map" of Oddworld? Id love to see a blueprint of the planet if there is one! (and if there is please could you place it on the site for all of us to see?)

Alf: Well Gav, there IS a map and it caused quite a bit of controversy when we sent it out to the fan club. Are you a member of the fan club? Hmmm? Well anyway, the map has been temporarily taken out of circulation for revisions, so unless you get it from a fellow fan, you'll just have to wait for OWMap v.6.357.

Q: Anyway thanks for your time Alf, I'd love to be in the job your in! Gav
Your Fan, masterdkp

Alf: You can have it! (gestures offensively, yet respectfully)

Q: Dear alf i do hope there will be some oddworld merchandise that i will be able to get my grubby mits on soon, so i can show of to all the none-oddians that i am odd and maybe even oddify some people, can you please tell me when there will be merchandise and if it will be available in the uk. yours awaitedly odd-bod-buddy

Alf: First of all, let me say thank you for not sending a picture, Mr. Odd Bod Buddy. Yikes! Anyhoo, the answer is that there probably will be, but there isn't any yet. I am currently working on a method of hypnosis which enables me to get any and all of my licensing ideas for Oddworld approved with a mere snap of my bizarre greenish fingers. More on this later, when I have perfected the technique.

Q: hey! this is lauren. do muds play any sports? is there a school for muds? or r they just mindless and stupid?

Alf: Heya Lauren. I am so glad that you asked. As a matter of fact, Mudokons have quite a few traditional sports. Why, when I was a lad I came in first place in the Steeping-of-the-tea Chase, and won top honors in the Oddworld Championship Fezbee Tournament. (in which one flings his fez through the air for distance measurement.) Some of my fellow cohorts are also into more common events such as spooce bowling and meep tipping, but those are obviously not of the same caliber as the aforementioned.

Q: Dear Alf: Help! I have a serious problem. I'm a brew-aholic. I was downing down several cases a day. I often got very sick, and vomited all over the place. It irritated my wife. She tried talking to me about my problem, but I just grabbed my head and moaned. So she tried slapping me around a bit. I just grabbed my head and moaned. One day I got very drunk and got a little out of control. I did some wild stuff.. one of those things quite serious. I won't get into specifics, but lets just say it involves a trampoline, a schoolbus full of bald kittens, and an industrial sized can of Cheeze Whiz. anyway, I got a court order to attend a rehab clinic- yours. So I packed up my bags and set out on a mudokon styled adventure (plenty of life threatening monsters, farting, and the possesing of evil corporate leaders)! Anyway, I can't seem to find your place! The roadsigns says I'm on the corner of 42nd and Lincoln, where do I go from here? Thanks,- Berw-aholic

Alf: Dear fellow mud, I was not too concerned or interested in your predicament until you reached the telling of the most degenerate portion. Cheez Whiz? My friend, you are desperately in need. This is what we refer to at the rehab as "rock bottom." It is time for you to come, my brother. Take the next Elum to Mudos, turn left at the meep herd, a right at the windmill, and go three blocks down. We're right there on the left. Look for the sign that says "Alf's Rehab and Tea." We'll be waiting for you.

Q: Dear Alf, Stephen is back! heres the questions, 1. who will be playing the part of Stranger in the next game?

Alf: Um, Stranger.

Q: 2.are Scrabs crustations?

Alf: Yes. They are very crustaceous.

Q: 3.about what time of the quintology, does the next bonus game take place?

Alf: About half way.

Q: 4.any guest stars in the next game?

Alf: Maybe!

Q: 5.what does brew taste like?

Alf: Blood, sweat, and of course, Mudokon tears!

Q: Deat Alf, I have a two part question. 1.) In Abe's Oddysee, it states that fleeches are extinct. However, in Abe's Exoddus, you are attacked by fleeches. Why is that?

Alf: No, you silly little rapscallion! MEECHES are extinct, not Fleeches! Please, do try and keep up.

Q: 2.) What's going to happen to Oddworld Inhabitants after the Quintology is over? Sincerely, PersonMan92

Alf: Start another series, or maybe single games, a movie, licensing, endorsements, world domination. You know, the usual fare.

Q: Dear Alf, My name is Ben & there is a few questions that have been bugging me for a while (1)what colour are meeches?

Alf: Pink-ish red-ish delicious meaty colored.

Q: (2)why isn't there any temple's honouring meeches in the scrabania/parmonia part of AO or in Necrum on AE? Well thanks and keep up with the great answers! Sincerely, Ben P.S You Rock Alf!

Alf: Oh, you must mean the Meechonian temple of the Mudmeechee lines. Didn't we already cover that??? I guess some things just taste too darn good to hold sacred. And thanks Ben, I'll try. It ain't easy bein' sleasley. Esplessially when yer slerrin yer werds. And you also rick, my frond!

Q: Dear Alf, I'm confused. the creature in the 4th game of the quintology is called steef... right? and the title is supposed to be called stranger or oddworld: stranger? so that is for xbox right? i also heard the fifth game is to be entilted hand of odd and is online compatable? is that only for xbox or is it for PS2 also? so what will become of munch and abe? will there be a munch's exodus? please give me the scoop. sincerly, Cody p.s. can i have some release dates too? thanks

Alf: Dang Cody! Do you want the scoop, or do you want a quadruple mega scoop with sprinkles and giant chocolate dipped waffle cone? Ok, here goes: Yes, one of the species is referred to as "Steef." And yes, the title is Oddworld Stranger. Yes, it is for Xbox, and also Playstation. Hand of Odd is not in production right now, so it isn't compatible with anything at the moment. Munch and Abe will probably become my assistants, if I have anything to say about it! I do not know if there will be a Munch's Exoddus, but wait until you read about Munch in the art of Oddworld book, it's gonna be interesting! Oh, and NO. Not yet.

Q: Hey Alf, I love fleeches, and i want to know more about them so i have a few fleech related qustions for you. 1. Are there fleeches in munch's oddysee?

Alf: Fleeches live in Mudos, friend, that is where they're found. The End!

Q: 2. Do you know where i can get more fleech pictures and info and stuff?

Alf: At Oddworld.com under universe, characters, that's where you'll find the wares.

Q: 3. Do you like fleeches?

Alf: No. I think all fleeches should be flushed with flair down a lumpy, bumpy stair.

Q: 4. Are there going to be fleeches in stranger?

Alf: Fleeches where? In Strangers lair? That I doubt you silly trout!

Q: And 5. Do fleeches have any kind of bones?

Alf: Fleeches come in bone and boneless, patties, strips, and nuggets flawless!

Q: Also, Hey alf, i didnt see your email anywhere, you really should put it on the email page, i had to gues it.

Alf: Guessed it? Wow you must be smart. Too bad my responses are so tart.

Q: Hello there Alf! *waves* I'm in the process of planning a story about the oddworld games (particualry Aslik, Dripik and Director Phleg) and i just have a few questions which relate to my planning and also which im particulrly interested in seeing the answers to. 1. Have any creatures from oddworld managed to build any sort of machine that can take them to other planets?

Alf: Nope! As the commandments of Odd state, "It ain't Star Wars, folks!"

Q: 2. Do glukkons possess emotions such as love, hate, sadness, happiness ect.

Alf: They have emotions but only in regards to themselves and the almighty moolah.

Q: 3. Can glukkons develop feelings such as forming a special bond to someone else or something else?

Alf: Um, lets not go there, ok?

Q: Thanks for your time, and ill be sure to stop by one day for a good old cup of tea.

Alf: Sounds great! And your in luck, because "good and old" is the only type of tea I serve! Har!

Q: Dear Alf You are so cool. That Abe guy might be the one who has all the adventures, but you're the brains around the place (fortunatly they aren't splattered all over the walls like some other Mudokons I can think of). Anyway, in one of your answers (to Andrew) you mentioned Mudokons being native species and revering the natural beauty of Scrabs and Paramites. My question is this, where do Glukkons, Sligs and Vykkers etc. come from? And how did they get so much power. Thanks my tea-drinking buddy. Thor

Alf: Wow. You just don't ignore a question from someone named Thor! Can I offer you a cup of tea and my finest biscuits? Perhaps a pillow to place behind your back? Oh yes, about your question! All the creatures of Mudos once lived together in harmony, much like earth creatures. But dischord and imbalance occured, causing certain species to rise to power. Natural and unnatural forces alike clashed, greed overtook some, and others chose to remain true to their origins. In a nutshell, that is how some of the negative forces here came to exist. But we all pretty much "come from" the same place!

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