Latest revision as of 10:46, 1 August 2019

Description

About

Published: 1998
Host: Oddworld.com
Format: Published Online

The Article

Safety
‘Your safety is important to us at SoulStorm Brewery. With so many moving parts and doohickeys, accidents are all too easy. Which is why we take the precautionary method of sewing your eyes shut when down in the mines. We want your eyes to stay put, not to be thrown to the ground like a marble by a piece of wayward cave ceiling…and with your eye lids firmly covering them, we never have to worry about THAT happening. Thank goodness!’

Hours
‘All Mudokon employees of SoulStorm Brewery are expected to work as long as his Slig manager feels is appropriate. Employees who fail to appear at work before the time assigned them by their manager will be immediately terminated (with EXTREME prejudice). Further, if employees fall asleep on the job, they will immediately be smited in any number of unpleasant ways.’

Breaks
‘We don’t give breaks.’

SoulStorm Brewery Employee Purchase Program
‘Mudokon employees can elect to have their hours of work used to purchase more SoulStorm brew rather than to pay off their existing debt. In fact, we encourage this. Ask your manager for details on enrollment (on your own time!).’

Consumption of SoulStorm Brew
‘Slig managers have established acceptable periods of SoulStorm Brew consumption by their workers. Typically, these periods are around a minute long. If you take longer, you will be considered asleep and dealt with appropriately.’

A Word on Greeters
‘SoulStorm Brewery accepts no responsibility for what may happen if you get in the way of one of our security machines called “Greeters.” Let’s put it this way: steer WAY clear when you see that metallic smile (note to workers in the Necrum Mines: you’re best bet is to listen for a rusty, creaking noise…if you hear it, take cover!).’

Fugitive Incentive Program
‘Periodically, SoulStorm Brewery is besieged ne’er‐do‐wells whose soul intention is to mess up the production of Oddworld’s most beloved beverage. Employees who aid in the capture/termination of these fugitives (cough, Abe, cough) will be rewarded with lots and lots of SoulStorm Brew (we swear!).’