Difference between revisions of "Vykkers Conglomerate"
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Latest revision as of 18:08, 8 May 2015
Described as “a vast multi‐species conglomerate dedicated to creating and producing the finest consumer goods on the market” (Humphrey Vykkers ‘IGN vs. The Vykkers’, October 2001) Vykkers Conglomerate is truly a massive corporate power, six billion Moolah strong and long having served its billionth customer from its broad‐ranging catalogue of products. The organisation alternates between being a business ally and a corporate enemy of the Magog Cartel, switching sides to give itself the best opportunity to penetrate new markets.
It is well‐known that Vykkers Conglomerate conducts animal testing in the research and development of pharmaceuticals, cosmetics, nicotines, food and food additives. This has earned it a degree of notoriety amongst the native and environmentalist populations of Oddworld. When the family reinvested profits to launch Vykkers Labs as free‐floating impenetrable fortresses, it was able to ignore threats from such groups and expand its influence and income dramatically.
The architecture of the Vykkers’ laboratories and research facilities is defined by its gothic ornamentation in rusting iron, insectoid shapes and bloated gas‐filled balloons. Like the Glukkons, the Vykkers design all their constructions to feature their stylised facial shapes, creating instant brand recognition. Vykkers Labs 13 was the first facility of the Conglomerate to be entirely free floating and has since become synonymous with the Vykkers, though they are also known to operate underground and submarine research facilities. Interiors are built with purple brickwork and padded walls, and illuminated orange and purple windows and lights.
While their catalogue of consumer goods is diverse and broad, Vykkers’ most profitable markets are in designer pharmaceuticals, fine processed foods, and various technology used throughout industrial society. Its flagship enterprise, Vykkers Labs, has a dominant role in the Consumer Pharmaceutical Division. Currently topping their successful portfolio of products is the new Butt‐Flo Chunky Style, replacing the easy‐out chlorine‐laxatives’ older ‘Splatter Formula’. Vykkers Conglomerate’s success in the market has been attributed to the practice known as ‘product linking’ in which one item literally creates demand for another by subtly creating new symptoms for the customer. As an example, the sweetener Gum‐Rot ensures a lifetime’s custom for disposable dentures.
Vykkers Conglomerate products include, but are not limited to:
A labour‐saving baby food additive packed with calories and trans‐fatty acids to reduce the time spent feeding children, turning “Toddler into a Waddler.” Babychow was tested by spoon feeding Fuzzles like Tiny into morbid obesity.
The Vykkers’ brand of ‘easy‐out’ chlorine‐based laxatives, designed to clear the bowels rapidly before board meetings. Known to contain high levels of pink polyester fibres and trans‐fatty gloop globues, when tested on Fuzzles, Butt‐Flo cleared their insides out permanently. The out‐dated ‘Splatter Formula’ has recently been replaced by the ‘Chunky Style’ to prompt even more customers to “Get with the Flow.”
- Chill Pill
Dubbed “Happiness! Now in a convenient tablet form,” this sedative is known to cause cramps, bloating, swelling of the joints and extreme diarrhoea. Instructions are to take an 18 000mg time‐release tablet with 4 gallons of water or more promptly before bedtime. Munch highlighted the tale of Stoner, a lively Fuzzle who now can’t close his eyes, to encourage the boycott of Chill Pill.
An artificial sweetener highly advertised to children, Gum‐Rot can practically dissolve tooth enamel. The Fuzzle Sasha was force fed 7 000 teaspoons a day for weeks on end.
- LungBuster Cigs
Bypassing the problem of disguising the carcinogenic qualities of smokeables, Vykkers Labs advertises its LungBuster brand as an alternative to growing old, ugly and crotchety. LungBuster is also used in the field of product delivery firearms and are the ammunition for Cigarette Rifles and Stoggie Blasters.
- Headburn Shampoo
Originally marketed as a ‘shampoo brightener’, this thoroughly‐tested product burned holes in customers’ heads. It was rebranded as Headburn Shampoo.
This novelty gum bestows rubbery properties on consumers for a limited timeframe.
A powerful sports drink, which allows Munch to release electrical discharges from his SkullJack. Ice lollies were marketed under the same name.
A brand of hyper‐caffeinated espresso coffee that produces a temporary hyperactivity.
A chaser that turns the drinker invisible for a short period. Klime A java coffee that allows the drinker to walk up walls.
A health tonic.
A fine delicacy comprising raw Gabbit eggs that have shot up in value since the near‐extinction of the Gabbit species. The very last can of Grade A Gabbiar was auctioned off at Vykkers Labs and won by Lulu at a cost of 3 000 000 Moolah, his entire fortune. He subsequently lost the can when it was stolen by Abe and Munch.
- Sam’s Labour Eggs
The Vykkers have Sam, the Mudokon Mum, in chains for the mass production of Mudokon Eggs to be hatched into slavery. Labour Eggs are distributed under the Slave Aid label.
Robotic nursemaids used to tend to experiments by remote control. The Glukkons use them to guard their factories and raid Mudokon villages. *Greeters Designed by Vykkers as robotic salesmen, Greeters tended to electrocute potential customers, so they were placed in factories as security features.
Genetically manipulated pets.
- Gabbit Juice
- Gabbit Protein Shakes
- Gabbit Skin Oils
- Gabbit Skin Waterproof Luggage
- Home Cosmetic Surgery Kits
- Chug Nuggs
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